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Drunk 81-Year-Old Granny Kicks Cop In Nads

Author Sean Roberts
The woman snapped when cops arrived.

If I live to be 81-years-old, I’ll probably spend most of my days sitting in a puddle of my own pee and watching old episodes of Leave It To Beaver while gumming a bag of Werther’s. But that’s just me. An 81-year-old woman in Cape Coral seems to prefer spending her twilight years drinking, kicking police officers in the groin and threatening to kill them as she’s being handcuffed.
Today’s adventure began when Cape Coral police showed up at a local restaurant. Fathom’s Restaurant and Bar in Cape Coral is generally a laid-back place to eat and drink, but not when mee-maw shows up! Police responded to the call at about 9 p.m. on Tuesday. A witness told them that a female customer was being combative and had tried to punch an employee. When officers arrived, they found the 81-year-old woman and determined that she was visibly intoxicated. When officers tried to escort the woman to another part of the building, it seems that she she snapped like a wet twig in a forest fire, cussing like a sailor, throwing kicks and threatening to kill them. One officer got a “full force” kick to the crotch. Once she was subdued and taken to a waiting police cruiser, she threatened to kill the officers on the way to the police station.
When all the smoke cleared, the woman was charged with disorderly conduct, three counts of battery on law enforcement officials and intimidation in the form of threatening death or serious bodily harm on a law enforcement official. The officer did not require treatment for the granny nad-kick. No injuries were reported by the na-na, either. Source: MiamiHerald.com

Royal Rumble Time!

Royal Rumble: 5 Surprising Statistics You May Not Know

The 2023 Royal Rumble is tomorrow (January 28), and it marks the official kickoff of WrestleMania season aka: “The Road to WrestleMania.”

There’s ample speculation abound for the men’s and women’s Rumble matches, from who’s going to win to surprise appearances. However, the Royal Rumble card has other attractions. For example, Kevin Owens will take on Roman Reigns in a match for the Undisputed WWE Universal Championship. Bianca Beliar will defend the Raw Women’s Championship against Alexa Bliss. We’ll also find out what exactly a “Mountain Dew Pitch Black Match” is when Bray Wyatt and LA Knight face off.

With this in mind, we’re looking at the history of the match/event. Thanks to research from Wrestling-World.com, here are some surprising statistics about the Royal Rumble you may not know.

  • The Most Viewed Royal Rumble Match on YouTube

    WWE’s YouTube channel is full of videos about current events in the promotion as well as archival matches. Several Royal Rumble matches are available to watch in their entirety. So, which Royal Rumble match has the most views? It’s the men’s match from 2017, which has over 128 million views and was won by Randy Orton.

  • The Wrestler with the Most Appearances in the Royal Rumble

    The Royal Rumble match has existed since 1988, meaning many past and present WWE superstars have made multiple appearances. But which wrestler has been in the Royal Rumble the most? That’s gotta be Kane…and Isaac Yankem…and Fake Diesel! Glenn Jacobs, the current Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee, was best known as Kane in WWE, but before he became the Big Red Machine, he was the creepy dentist Isaac Yankem DDS and the infamous Fake Diesel. Between all three personas, Jacobs has appeared in 20 Royal Rumble matches.

  • The Wrestler with the Most Royal Rumble Victories

    Eight wrestlers have won the Royal Rumble twice: Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Brock Lesnar, Batista, John Cena, Randy Orton and Edge. However, there is only one wrestler that has won the Rumble three times making him the wrestler with the most victories. If you knew that wrestler was “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, give us a “Hell Yeah!”

    Austin won the Royal Rumble in 1997, 1998 and 2001. The entire 1997 Rumble match is below in its entirety.

  • Which Wrestler Has the Longest Cumulative Time Spent in the Royal Rumble?

    Sure, winning the Royal Rumble is impressive, but so is managing to stay in the match for long periods of time. In the three+ decades of its existence, Chris Jericho has logged a cumulative time of 4 hours, 59 minutes and 33 seconds in the Royal Rumble match. With Jericho now with AEW, he’s certainly not going to be adding more time to that total any time soon. (If he did, that would truly be one of the most shocking appearances in Rumble history.)

    Just behind Jericho is Randy Orton with a cumulative time of 4 hours, 34 minutes and 33 seconds in the Royal Rumble match. Orton has been out with a back injury since May 2022, but there are no signs of him returning. Then again, anything can happen during WrestleMania season.

  • Which Wrestler Has the Most Career Eliminations in the Royal Rumble?

    Considering he’s been in the most Royal Rumble matches, Glenn Jacobs (Kane/Isaac Yankem DDS/Fake Diesel) has the most over-the-top-rope eliminations in the match with 46. In the 2001 Royal Rumble alone, Kane eliminated 11 entrants. It was a record that stood for 13 years until Roman Reigns broke it in 2014 with 12 eliminations. Braun Strowman went on to eliminate 13 entrants in the special “Greatest Royal Rumble” event in Saudi Arabia in 2018, which featured 50 instead of 30 entrants. Brock Lesnar is the current recognized single-match elimination record holder. He eliminated 13 entrants in the 2020 Royal Rumble.

Gotta Favorite?

Sean Roberts was conceived in the Corvette Assembly Plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky by two passionate, panel aligning, third shifters who had grown bored with the same ole same ole. Upon birth, he was placed in the trunk of a new Stingray and sent off to find his destiny. That destiny included several stints on radio stations across the United States. Some played punk country gospel, while others focused on Croatian death metal played backwards. After many years and many adventures, Sean wound up on The Shark, where he does shots of tequila while playing the most badass tunes ever created by humankind. He remains humble, however, never forgetting about the lean years...the street corners and dark alleys where he played songs on his car stereo for food and sex. He's on top and he's never gonna stop LIVING THE DREAM!

She was drunk, cussing and throwing kicks…

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