I’ve never been drunk enough to poop on the roof of a car. Furthermore, if I was drunk enough, I’d be too drunk to climb up there. So, the community is safe from a poop attack from yours truly. But Florida man is a man who is capable of heroic (and sometimes bizarre as hell) feats of acrobatics and survival in the most daunting of situations.
Police in The Villages say a man stands accused (or squats, in this case) of vandalizing and defecating on the roof of a car that belonged to a man who was dating his love interest. A resident of The Villages, 30-year-old Robert Powell pleaded not guilty to the charges and remains out of jail on a $1,000 bond. When officers responded to a call from Michael Hoopfer about his car that had been tampered with sometime during the night. When officers arrived on the scene, they discovered Hoopfer’s car had been vandalized. The passenger side windshield wiper had been broken off, there were scratches in the paint and more. What is the MORE you ask? How about a steaming butt biscuit right in the middle of the roof? Yep, a big ole home-built log cabin of stank.
Hoopfer identified the attacker as Powell, saying that he recognized the man from where they both work, and that he and the man had recently had an altercation “about a girl”.
Surveillance video showed a man wearing a shite shirt and dark pants approach the car, kick the mirror, scratch both doors and thn climb onto the roof, where he dropped trou and pooped. Police determined that the suspect was very tall, and Powell is 6’5″. After further investigation, Powell was located and taken to the Wildwood Police Department, where he was questioned and arrested. I can’t help but think about the hot Florida sun and that poop on that roof. Would you just go to a car wash and hope they let you go through? Would you wait for it to dry up and then knock it off with a stick? What if it lands on your driveway? Sounds complicated. Source: Villages-News.com
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