Interview with A Murder Hornet
ME: First, I’d like to welcome you to the United states. I know you came a long way.
MH: Yeah, my cousin and I landed on a freaking banana. Next thing ya know, here we are. Tired, but hungry.
ME: You decapitate any bees yet? Throw off any natural ecosystems?
MH: That is total bullshit, dude. I’ve seen the reports. We have FIOS in the hive. They have spread such lies about us. They say we eat the heads off of bees. I mean, who does that crap? Jeez, I would never do that. That’s just nasty. I’m an avocado toast kinda hornet. Man, get some whole grain artisan bread with fresh avocado. It just doesn’t get any better than that. Mmmmm….
ME: So, all the things that have been said about you are false?
MH: Categorically, total bullshit. I’m just here for the beaches and babes, just like you. although, I must admit, I’d like to try some grouper nuggets in Indian Rocks Beach.
ME: Well, that makes me feel much better. The rumors have been intense. They say you guys carry chainsaws and cut people up like in ‘Scarface’.
MH: Nah, I’m as docile as a sloth on shrooms, dude. Relax.
ME: Well, there you have it. Turns out the murder hornets are just here for our grouper cheeks and avocado toast. Just to be sure though, I’m on my way to Harbor Freight for one of those electric tennis racket fly swatter things. Three bucks is a good deal for total security. – Sean Roberts 
