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Dave and Chuck The Freak

Grocery Store Was Evacuated Due To Fears Of Men Getting Permanent Boners

Author James // Dave & Chuck the Freak

Now this is something you don’t hear about every day. A grocery store was forced to evacuate and close down for fears of something that could cause men to get permanent erections

According to a report, in Austria, a grocery store was evacuated after the discovery of a venomous Brazilian Wandering Spider in the store. Hiding in a bunch of bananas, this spider is one of the most venomous on the planet.

Its bite can cause “hypothermia, blurred vision, convulsions and, in some cases, erections.” Exterminators were called, banana crates were sealed, and no unending boners have been detected.

The store will be closed until next week.

The 5 Lamest Super Powers In The Animal Kingdom

In the animal kingdom, evolution has bestowed upon various creatures abilities that are pretty awesome. The chameleon can change its skin to blend in with it’s environment. The octopus can mimic other creatures. The rhinoceros has super strength. Those are all awesome powers… the following are not as cool.

  • The Waxy Monkey Tree Frog

    Even some frogs have cool powers. There are frogs with deadly poison. There are frogs that have suction cup sticky feet to give it an awesome climbing ability. Then there’s the dumbass waxy monkey frog. What can it do? Well, it can secrete a wax. Is the wax deadly? Nope! It… um… it keeps its skin nice.

  • The Bird Of Paradise

    Some birds have incredible abilities. The eagle can see for miles and has razor sharp talons. Not the bird of paradise. What mighty powers was it given? The power to dance. Yep, that’s right… so it dances like Buffalo Bill to attract a mate. Not the coolest ability if ya ask me.

  • The Cow

    Outside of being delicious, the cow doesn’t have many abilities. It can eat grass. It can run away from danger… but its farts are dangerously world endingly powerful. Their asses literally melt away the ozone like the laser of an evil comic book villain. Pretty lame, cows.

  • The Grasshopper

    In the world of insects there are a ton of superpower-like abilities that are so very cool. The rhinoceros beetle is so strong that if it were our size it could literally punch buildings down. Even flies have super vision because of there crazy eyes. Not the grasshopper though. It can… hop. Yep, it can hop like really, really far. Oh and if they get emotional enough they can transform into locusts and eat alot. Very lame, the grasshopper.

  • The Capybara

    The capybara is a giant rodent that resembles a gigantic guinea pig. What can it do, run at cheetah-like speed? Nope. Is it super strong? Not particularly. BUT IT CAN… take a nice warm bath in the hot springs found in its habitat. If you google this creature you’ll see it’s other ability.. which is to balance vegetables on it’s head. Two VERY dumb superpowers.

 

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Author James // Dave & Chuck the Freak
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