Should You Microwave Your Cantaloupe Before Having Sex With It?
Q: Jonathan has been having sex with fruit. His favorite is cantaloupe. He was told that if he microwaved it, it would feel more like human flesh but he’s afraid of burning his penis, any advice?
A: Our Dr. Cooper (The Cooper and Anthony Show) shies away from nothing. While Anthony made fruit jokes, Dr. C went to work to help Jonathan and others like him who enjoy a DIY sex toy.
She explained, “There was a sex expert who in 2002 gave a tutorial on using a grapefruit for sex. She was advising that woman add the grapefruit while performing oral sex so that it feels more like a vagina while you’re giving oral to your man…it feels like intercourse and oral together. But then, of course, that became guys using grapefruit on their own to masturbate.”
So, that lead to two cautions – One) make sure you don’t get contact dermatitis from using fruit to masturbate and Two) DO NOT put fruit in the microwave, just use it at room temperature because that is much safer. There’s a “potato” and “pizza” button on your microwave, but no setting to cook fruit being used for a wank sesh. It’s dangerous and you are more likely than not to burn the skin around your penis.
Alternatives to sex toys
The thing is, sex toys for men are expensive so a lot of men have turned to a DIY approach to making their own sex toys… improvising a sex toy is not a new thing.
Fleshlight-type objects—or “sleeves” as they’re called in the community—get boring for some guys after a while, and for others it can be embarrassing if they are caught with a sex toy at home by a roommate, girlfriend or parents, if they’re young and still at home. It’s just easier to take something from around the house, usually a grapefruit or a banana skin, or a food item of some sort and use that.
Jonathan, I don’t know if fruit is a fetish for you or if you’re just looking for a DIY wank object if so, just so you don’t get injured, I have a recommendation for you.
Here’s what prisoners do in these situations
Use a rubber surgical glove stuffed inside a tightly-wrapped towel. It was made popular in prison –they call it a “fifi,” this little contraption is absolutely fantastic and way less shameful than wiping post-climax cantaloupe pulp off your leg.
