Are You The Appetizer In Someone Else’s Sex Life?
Q: Ezra has a weird relationship with this girl. She’s technically in a long distance relationship with another guy but whenever they hang out she flirts with him, talks about sex and is sending vibes that she might be interested, yet nothing has ever happened between them. He asked Dr. Cooper of The Cooper and Anthony Show if this could be something at some point in the future and should he stick around and see if it goes anywhere or should he bail? Also, why is she doing this if she isn’t interested?
A: You are the appetizer, he is the entree. This is more common than you’d think where a woman who is in a long distance relationship keeps other guys around, leads them on, and flirts with them to keep them interested until her main dude comes back into town. Then, when he does, she doesn’t even know your name.
Why do women do that? Three reasons:
- She is probably super insecure and needs the validation of a guy finding her sexually attractive just to feel good about herself.
- Since her boyfriend isn’t around to pay attention to her, she’s made it your job until he returns.
- She’s afraid to be alone and if he dumps her, you’re the back up…for now. Until she finds someone she’s really into and then you’re in the same situation.
In general, this isn’t just a girl thing. Guys do this to women all the time too.
When it comes to long-distance relationships, the challenges of the distance can sometimes lead to difficult situations, usually created by those involved and not only the situation. People feel lonely, crave attention, or seek emotional connection when their partner is physically distant, as we said previously so they seek out a willing participant to fill those needs as you have done. While this doesn’t justify leading someone on, it sorta gives you an understanding as to why some women might do that.
It’s crucial to communicate openly and honestly in any relationship, even one where you’re not getting laid. If you feel that she is leading you on or being dishonest, it’s important to have a conversation with her about your role in all of this and what your expectations are and what she is really doing here. Healthy relationships require trust, respect, and clear communication from both partners, and this isn’t that. She’s being vague and sort of dishonest with you. IMHO, you’re already off to a bad start.
