How To Get Away From A Controlling Partner
We have had people call the show, men and women, to tell us about being in a relationship with a controlling person. If this is you… listen up! Don’t wait for them to go because they aren’t going to, you have to be the one to get away.
Being in a relationship with a controlling woman can be an emotionally draining and suffocating experience. Constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells and living under a microscope can take a toll on your mental health and happiness. If you’re in a situation like this and feel like you need to get away, here are some things to consider:
Assess your safety level– if you let them know it’s over for good, do you think they will escalate and become violent? If so, you need someone with you when you talk to them like a big giant biker friend. But also have the National Domestic Violence Hotline number in your pocket, and be prepared to call 911 if anything escalates.
Identify the controlling behaviors: Take some time to think about the specific behaviors that are making you feel controlled. Is it constant criticism? Gaslighting? Isolating you from friends and family? Once you have a clear understanding of what’s going on, it will be easier to make a plan to leave.
Set boundaries: Make it clear to your partner what you will and will not tolerate in the relationship. Let her know that her controlling behavior is not acceptable and that you will not put up with it anymore. Be firm but calm, and try not to engage in arguments or debates.
Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective and feel less alone. Usually when you’re in a controlling relationship, the person controlling you isolates you from your support system, your friends and family. Reach back out to them, find a safe place to go. If you don’t have anyone, tell your doctor or priest, rabbi, shaman, anyone you trust.
Once you’ve left, cut off contact completely: Even if they call, don’t pick up, don’t even say “STOP calling” they will see this as in ‘in’ to a conversation with you. Then they could pursue you. Take a no contact approach.
Make a plan: Once you’ve decided to leave, make a plan for how you will do it. Decide where you will go, how you will get there, and what you will need to take with you. If you’re concerned about your safety, consider getting a restraining order or talking to a lawyer.
Stick to your plan: Leaving a controlling relationship can be difficult, and it’s easy to second-guess yourself. But once you’ve made a plan, stick to it. Remember why you’re leaving and the benefits that come with it. You deserve to be happy and in a healthy, non-controlling relationship.
Remember that leaving a controlling person is not easy, and it may take time to fully heal and recover from the experience. But with the right support and a plan, you can break free and live the life you deserve.
