My New Year’s Resolution Is Already Screwed
There I was, minding my own business, perusing the break room for a light snack…
Like most of you, I made several resolutions for 2020. Among them was the goal of losing a few pounds in the new decade.
Well, the weight loss thing is screwed with a capital F.
Someone brought in a huge plastic container of what I can only describe as mini funnel cakes.
They look like funnel cakes.
They have powdered sugar like funnel cakes.
They even taste like funnel cakes.
I’m gonna need a freaking intervention.
– Sean Roberts
Sean Roberts was conceived in the Corvette Assembly Plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky by two passionate, panel aligning, third shifters who had grown bored with the same ole same ole. Upon birth, he was placed in the trunk of a new Stingray and sent off to find his destiny.
That destiny included several stints on radio stations across the United States. Some played punk country gospel, while others focused on Croatian death metal played backwards.
After many years and many adventures, Sean wound up on The Shark, where he does shots of tequila while playing the most badass tunes ever created by humankind.
He remains humble, however, never forgetting about the lean years...the street corners and dark alleys where he played songs on his car stereo for food and sex.
He's on top and he's never gonna stop LIVING THE DREAM!