Q: When Emily called The Cooper and Anthony Show during Fetish Friday, she wanted to know more about gags and bondage. Specifically, if her mouth is gagged and she cant say anything during sex, then how does she communicate her safe word to her boyfriend if she needs to tap out? How do people whose fetish is gagging use safe words, then?
A: In the BDSM world, the phrase “Safe Word” is not always taken literally when your kink involves gags and bondage.
Let’s play this out to the extreme. If your mouth is gagged and your hands are tied, then how do you let your partner know you’re done? How do you let them know you’re in pain or that somethings not right?
Several ways to use your safe word when you have a ball gag in your mouth and your hands are tied:
- First, it’s widely known that the word “Oatmeal” can still be said and heard even with a gag in your mouth. Don’t believe me? Put a fist in your mouth and give it a try
- Humming is another way to communicate. Extra points if you hum “Never Gonna Give You Up” and rickroll your partner while having BDSM sex
- You can also do it with blinking. That’s if you maintain some level of eye contact during your BDSM sesh
- The truth is, if your gagged and bound, your partner SHOULD be checking in with you. So, during that check in you can indicate that you’re done
What If you are only gagged and NOT bound?
- Have a bell or a dog’s squeaky toy by the bed. That is always recommended (or anything that makes noise, for that matter). You ring the bell or squeak the toy. That is another way gagged people communicate it’s time to tap out
- Or you could actually tap out, like, hit him twice on the arm or wherever **TAP TAP**
The important thing is always consent, and aftercare. But just make sure when you’re into some of the more advanced kink play, the non-gagged, non tied up, usually dominant partner, is checking in with you.