Is Your Partner Masturbation Shaming You?
Q: Marcus asked our Dr. Cooper of The Cooper and Anthony Show about masturbation shame. His wife comes from a background where sex of all kinds, including masturbation, was considered shameful. He wants to be honest with her, but fears she will judge him and make him feel badly about something completely natural. Should he share this with her and risk the consequences? Is there a way to change her attitude?
A: I think this is a great opportunity for you to help your wife shed her shame around masturbation. It’s your job as her sexual partner to normalize it for her. Let her know that study after study keeps revealing its benefits.
For men, it has a serious connection to avoiding prostate cancer. And for women, masturbation helps prevent cervical infections and relieves urinary tract infections. In which case, it’s essential.
Masturbation can lower stress and help you relax. It even helps people with sleep issues and has also been linked to helping alleviate depression and anxiety because it releases hormones like endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin—the feel good chemicals in your brain.
Not that she should look at it from a clinical perspective, because her enjoying her own body is a privilege. So, explain to her that sexual shame is something that has been historically used to control women and that she’s free to do with her body whatever she wants to—maybe that could help normalize masturbation for her.
Let her know that she is entitled to pleasure and that she is not entitled to shaming you for something natural, normal and beneficial. Masturbation is an important and wonderful way of knowing yourself physically and emotionally. Research shows that women who masturbate are more likely to have fulfilling sex lives, better health, better partnerships and marriages, and increased self-confidence. Even with all that going for it, masturbation is still difficult for many women to talk about, much less do. So, it may be a long process to get her to change her thinking, but as you can see, it is well worth it.
