Yes, You Can Date Your Ex’s Best Friend
Q: Adam called The Cooper and Anthony Show to tell us that he’s hooked up with his ex’s best friend and they’re really into each other. His ex lives in another state with her new boyfriend so his relationship with her is long over. Still, the problem is that the best friend, his new boo, is worried that being together is going to upset the ex/her friend. Should they move forward? Should they tell his ex? What advice do you have?
It makes sense that you would be into your ex’s BFF. The traits they have in common and the type of people they are (likes, dislikes, the vibe) are probably the personality traits that drew you to your ex in the first place.
We say go for it. If you both want to be together, you can make it work. The dust will settle and any ruffled feathers are sure to calm down after some time has passed. Your ex has moved on, so why shouldn’t you?
SHE’S YOUR EX, NOT YOUR MOM. YOU DON’T NEED HER PERMISSION
She doesn’t get to have a say in your life anymore, but she may still have a say in who her friend dates. But why would you compromise your happiness? She’s in a new relationship. Also, these things happen and as we have discussed before…there are many smaller towns and certain communities where there are so few datable people available that we do end up dating each other’s exes. It’s unavoidable.
IT’S ALL ABOUT BEING HAPPY
So, we think you tell your new lady that her happiness is the priority, not your ex’s happiness. Listen, dating her friend’s ex means risking a friendship, true, but what is more important to her? Your ex doesn’t get to dictate to either one of you what kind of relationship you get to have. She gets no say in this whatsoever.
CREATE SOME DISTANCE
The advantage in this case is that your ex lives in another state. But you should also keep contact to a minimum, both you and your new paramour. You want to establish your relationship without the distraction and without feeling like you’re under a microscope. It’s up to the two of you to see where this is going and if it looks like it’s going to work, that is when you tell your ex. You tell her, you don’t ask her.
