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Burglar In Towel Gets Ass Kicked By Florida Homeowner

Author Sean Roberts
December 15th, 2022 7:28 AM
The intruder was wearing nothing but a towel.

There’s nothing like coming home after a hard day of work, settling back in your favorite chair and popping the top on a cold, frothy beverage. Your home is a sacred, serene place. It’s the fruit of your labors, it’s your refuge from the world. But not everyone respects your property.
Take the case of a Fort Myers, Florida man, who was visiting some neighbors when he got a message on his phone that a man wearing a towel on his head was wandering around outside his home and trying to get inside. By the time the man arrived back at his home, he opened the front door to find an unknown man standing in his living room and going through his things. The man was wearing nothing but a towel. That’s when the bad guy reportedly ran toward the homeowner in an attempt to attack him. However, homey don’t play that. Instead of backing off, he punched the intruder directly in the face. When the naked guy tried to escape, the victim nailed him in the face again.
When deputies arrived on the scene, they found an injured 64-year-old man, his nose still swollen from the punches he received during the altercation. The suspect was charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling during a state of emergency. It’s an unusual charge, but the Fort Myers area is still under emergency status after Hurricane Ian back in September. While the homeowner’s name was not released, the sheriff of Lee County called the homeowner “courageous” and commended him for defending his property successfully. BONUS INFORMATION: Investigators learned that the man had also relieved himself while pilfering through the home…and failed to flush. Classy. Source: MiamiHerald.com

Happy Holidays! Now Get Over!

Tampa Makes Top 10 Cities of Most Aggressive Holiday Drivers

Peace on Earth, and get out of my way, you jackhole!!!! I guess it wasn’t just me when I found people here in the area were getting a little bit more feisty on the road. During Thanksgiving, Holiday Gasbuddy decided to research and find where those Grinches were driving. Well, it turns out we had our fair share of them here in Tampa. The study cased millions of drivers, so it wasn’t like they sat on the Howard Franklin and watched the afternoon drive. Now, if it means anything, Florida was named “the most aggressive driving state overall.” Mainly because we managed to get 3 of them in the top 10. The Number 1 city will surprise you as it did us we are not quite sure what will happen.

Fun fact no Florida City made a list for “Least Angriest Cities.” [Source WTSP]

The Top 10 Cities of Most Aggressive Holiday Drivers

  • #1 Tucson AZ

    Share

    Topping of the list is Tucson, and at this point I think people must be getting out of their cars and shooting each other because compared to some of our Florida Cities this place seems like a dream.

  • #2 Jacksonville FL

    Share

    Look I will be honest I am not sure how Florida's-----I'll let you finish that thought yourself---managed to beat Orlando but it did. This is all Florida needed to become the worst place for Holiday Drivers.

  • #3 Nashville TN

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    Coming in at #3 this also makes TN the the #2 of worst state to drive during the holidays. With all those country stars driving their tractors people are just tired of being stuck behind them all day I guess.

  • #4 Orlando FL

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    Well anyone that has lived in Florida for a half a minute that knows Orlando traffic is the worst. What is weird is it usually is that way around the the "Happiest Place on Earth"

  • #5 Birmingham AL

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    Throw out that southern hospitality because in Birmingham they would rather spit on you then allow you to merge.

  • # 7 Oklahoma City OK

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    Apparently the mid-west really just enjoy starting fights. I mean with the oil fields out there you got to be rugged or get ran off the road by someone in a Prius

  • #6 Richmond VA

    Share

    Now things are starting to make sense, I mean have you ever been to Richmond, its got really good history but the area can be kinda cold.

  • #8 Tampa FL

    Share

    Well we all knew it was here but did we really expect it to be so soon. Yeah actually compared to the other Florida Cities that make the list.

  • #9 Salt Lake City UT

    Share

    I guess there is not much to do in Utah so people in the biggest city just take turns shouting at each other.

  • #10 Memphis TN

    Share

    We start out the list in the home for Rock n' Roll Blues and down home country music. Apparently people get a little testy when you tell them Elvis is slightly overated.

I’ll Stick With Cargo Shorts And A Zeppelin T-Shirt

Sean Roberts was conceived in the Corvette Assembly Plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky by two passionate, panel aligning, third shifters who had grown bored with the same ole same ole. Upon birth, he was placed in the trunk of a new Stingray and sent off to find his destiny. That destiny included several stints on radio stations across the United States. Some played punk country gospel, while others focused on Croatian death metal played backwards. After many years and many adventures, Sean wound up on The Shark, where he does shots of tequila while playing the most badass tunes ever created by humankind. He remains humble, however, never forgetting about the lean years...the street corners and dark alleys where he played songs on his car stereo for food and sex. He's on top and he's never gonna stop LIVING THE DREAM!

He punched the intruder in the face twice and…

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