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Sean Roberts

Weeknights 7pm - Midnight

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 13: A model (fashion detail) walks the runway for Marc Jacobs SS18 fashion show during New York Fashion Week at Park Avenue Armory on September 13, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for Marc Jacobs)

We’ve all seen the forecast by now. The temperature is going to fall to about 38 degrees tonight. Most of us will be dead before dawn. The survivors will feed off of the frozen carcasses of the unprepared.

Here are a few tips to help live through Florida’s Armageddon 2019.

(Photo by Ernesto S. Ruscio/Getty Images)

1. Wear tube socks with your sandals. Your tootsies will be freezing cold and you don’t want to lose them to hypothermia, so protect them with a layer of cotton. If no tube socks are present, drink alcohol.

(Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images)

2. Wear a tube sock on your peen. A warm, welcoming tube sock on your Johnson is always a smart addition on a chilly day. A tube sock will also double as a bulge enhancement device in your favorite pair of cargo shorts.

(Photo by Jasper Juinen/Getty Images)

3. Figure out how your car’s heater works and turn it on. You may need to watch a couple of YouTube videos, but learning how your car’s heater works will pay huge dividends in personal comfort. PRO TIP: Don’t forget how to turn it off for later in the day.

(Photo illustration by George Frey/Getty Images)

4. Figure out how your home’s furnace works and be prepared to turn it on. Nothing warms a home better than a furnace. Well, maybe a house fire, but that’s a one-time thing.

(Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

5. Find a stripper and pay her to service you until late morning. True, you may wind up missing a Visa card or a wallet, but a motivated stripper will make you very happy until you check your bank account.

That’s about it. try to employ one or more of these Florida cold weather tips to ensure your survival during this bitter cold 6 hour span. God be with you on your formidable journey.

Sean

Sean Roberts was conceived in the Corvette Assembly Plant in Bowling Green, Kentucky by two passionate, panel aligning, third shifters who had grown bored with the same ole same ole. Upon birth, he was placed in the trunk of a new Stingray and sent off to find his destiny. That destiny included several stints on radio stations across the United States. Some played punk country gospel, while others focused on Croatian death metal played backwards. After many years and many adventures, Sean wound up on The Shark, where he does shots of tequila while playing the most badass tunes ever created by humankind. He remains humble, however, never forgetting about the lean years...the street corners and dark alleys where he played songs on his car stereo for food and sex. He's on top and he's never gonna stop LIVING THE DREAM!